I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
