That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
