I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
