whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
