Sry I called you an 8
I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
