i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
