I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Drunk is a universal language darling
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
