My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
