i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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