Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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