Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
