dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
