I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
