the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
