If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Dick very happy bro
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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