Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
