marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
