I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
