I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
