Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
