I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
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