I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Why can't burritos get me drunk
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
