I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
