I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
