if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
its not stalking. its research.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Randomize
