i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
