I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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