This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
