I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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