I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
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