After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
i love accidental penises.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
