I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I love how my cats smell like pot.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
