Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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