Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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