It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
