"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
