woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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