hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Randomize
