Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
