Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
