oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
