I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
