after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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