I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
