Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Randomize
