WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
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