wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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