Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
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