id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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