trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Randomize